...and back again

Well, I'm back in Phoenix. After 6 weeks in Texas, I kind of got the idea that there wasn't path forward for me there on a personal or professional level. While I got clean while I was there, and I'm incredible grateful for that, being clean on it's own is worth nothing unless you make your sobriety work for you. And that's what my plan is now. While there's going to be some emotional struggles ahead, I have complete faith and confidence in my ability to control my decisions going into the future, and the most important part of that is staying away from the people and situations that would cause any future relapse.

But, the purpose of this blog, and the chapter of my life that my writing has covered is now over. I've been there and back again, and now it's time to move forward. I may do some more writing in the future, and I will leave this up, but right now, I need to focus on my life and personal well-being. But I hope that my writing has at least helped some of ya'all to understand, in a sense, what addicts, or ex-convicts, go through in life. Because I think if you're able to put a face, or at least get a grasp of what they go through, it's possible you can help as well. Thanks for reading, and being able to reach out and touch even just one person, has made this entire experience worth it. If you want to continue to follow me, subscribe to my public updates on Facebook (click here then click subscribe) or follow me on Google+. Thanks for reading, and thanks for the inspiration you've given me. 

teetering on the edge of oblivion

Pretty melancholy post title, eh? Well, I am feeling pretty fucking melancholy. Finding a job out here has been almost next to impossible - and that means I've started bouncing around a bit, rendering the whole "stability" reasoning for me moving here pretty much moot. The only difference between here and Phoenix right now, I guess, is that I am not getting high, which is fabulous (it will be 30 days within the week), but I guess the frustration that I'm having arises out of the fact that I am doing what I am supposed to do (finally, for the first time in a year), and I haven't seen any change in the direction my life is progressing.

I'm not sure exactly how to feel right now - there is a lot of temptation to go back to Phoenix, and I have to admit that it's an option I'm strongly considering. If anything, knowing that I am staying sober now gives me strength to believe that I will not have too many problems in Phoenix...but that may not be true. I know with a job and my own place I will be happier, but things are moving at such a glacial pace out here that I am not really sure how long that will take.

So I come to another fork in the road. I have to wait until I get a new ID sent from Phoenix to travel anywhere, anyway, so I have about a week to make a choice. I don't think that coming out here to Alpine was a bad choice either way, because I feel like maybe I've gotten the inner strength and definitely have figured out the person I am because I've had the clear head to do that. But now I have a clear head, sobriety, and nothing for those two positive things to effect. So maybe it is time to go back home, maybe I just needed to step away from the trees to see the whole forest. But there's a bit part of me, deep inside, that wants to make this work so much, because I'm tired of things not working. I just hope that if it's going to work, it does it soon.

Comments are welcome...

So...what's up with Texas, anyway?

Well, as I've made pretty obvious, about three weeks ago I moved from Phoenix to Alpine, TX (pop. 5,900) to get away from all the hustle, bustle and self-inflicted drama I was causing myself in Phoenix. Ever since I've gotten here, I have been struggling to actually write about Texas, or what things are like here...mainly because I feel like I expected to write about it, and also because while it is a completely different place, I'm not quite sure how to put that into words at this time.

Strange place for a big red ball on top of a pole.

That is where I live. Alpine is in the middle of nowhere - quite literally there is not one full stop light in this town, and the nearest town to us (Fort Davis) is roughly 30 miles up the road. The city is the county seat of Brewster County, Texas (pop 9000), named after a Confederate States of America War General, or something very stereotypical like that. 

The culture is different - it's not all that bad and is actually very pretty country. The air quality improvement is noticeable, it's set back in some low hills that run up to mountains, but still maintains the "Texas feel" - you know, Wild West hotels and shootouts in the town center, or something. 

I can write about the facts of Alpine all day long, but what I've repeatedly struggled with since I've gotten here is my ability to string together a narrative to explain how best I feel here. Because I'm not really sure at all myself. The people here are terribly nice - but the whole cowboy group can get a little shaky sometime. I feel myself pulling back into a situation where I want to be a loner all the time - never happy, never terribly depressed, but working a job, and being in like a stoned melancholy state. 

There are times that I miss Phoenix badly, especially when things are a bit boring around these parts, but what I don't miss about Phoenix is the chaos. The running around, the stress, the temptation, or even the danger - none of that I miss. There's a comfort in being able to ride a bike around town at 2am and not have to worry about a soul being on the road for miles either way. It's very quiet here - and it makes it easier to think things through correctly the first time. 

What I like about Alpine has to do with the Latin concept of Tabula Rasa , or "blank slate". The idea's concept is driven by the idea that humans are not pre-programmed to do anything, and thus are given a "blank slate" on birth to begin to develop their characteristics. Moving to the LITERAL middle of nowhere in a town where no one even knows who you are effectively pushes the "Reset" button on life. I've found myself, and am so sure of myself in a way that I have never been before. But what I continue to struggle with is how to conceptualize my feelings in a way that I can explain to my readers, because I do feel like I'm having some type of special experience. Sometimes I want to leave, but every time I go outside and breathe the air and see the sky under the stars, my mind changes pretty quickly.  But it's a nauseating experience to go back and forth. I just hope that things continue to move forward. And I will keep ya'all posted when they do.

Bad Storm Rising

After an October to forget for President Obama, we are entering the final stretch of the 2012 Presidential Election. After winning the first debate, Mitt Romney had grabbed the upward momentum in the race, and at one point, even held the advantage in the Talking Points Memo Polltracker average of polls:



But in the wake of the devastation on the East Coast via Hurricane Sandy, the President's bold support of federal disaster relief and the bipartisan partnership he's formed with New Jersey Governor Chris Christie may spell the end of hope for a Mitt Romney victory on Election Day.

For example - how much value could a picture like this have in the last week of the election:

Christie invited Obama to New Jersey to tour the areas

Christie's high praise for the President's personal ownership of the FEMA disaster relief efforts form part of a two-pronged political victory for the President. First, the impact of Christie's praise - and why it's such a boost on Election Day:

On Tuesday, Christie did the rounds on morning TV, praising Obama’s performance. “It’s been very good working with the president and his administration,” Christie said on MSNBC. “It’s been wonderful.”

Christie has also made clear that politics is the least of his concerns. When asked in a briefing Tuesday with reporters about how the storm might affect Election Day, he said: “I don’t give a [expletive] about Election Day.”

But here’s the second reason the Obama-Christie team-up, six days before Election Day, is worth its weight in gold to both men’s political futures: Voters – especially independent voters – want more bipartisanship, polls show. This presidential campaign has been the most toxic in memory, but the Obama-Christie photo op is living evidence that when the going gets tough, members of competing parties really can work together.

 Indeed, after a couple years of the shrill bickering of the Tea Party, a high profile Republican governor and President Obama working together to solve the problems put forth by Hurricane Sandy sends an important message that the President is a man of consensus and compromise, as opposed to a legislative bully, an argument that Republicans have been trying to put forth since the President successfully passed Obamacare in his second term.

The second prong in this winning moment for the Obama campaign is the turdtacular response from George W. Bush -era FEMA Director Micheal "Heckuva Job" Brown, who guided the agency during the train wreck that was Hurricane Katrina. His question? "Why did the President respond to dying Americans so fast?":

From the SF Gate:

“One thing he’s gonna be asked is, why did he jump on this so quickly and go back to D.C. so quickly when in…Benghazi, he went to Las Vegas? Why was this so quick?… At some point, somebody’s going to ask that question…. This is like the inverse of Benghazi.”

This, of course, reinforces the obvious idea that even if Jesus came down from the sky and gave the President full marks on the Sandy response, Republican Party leadership would continue to slam him in order to score political points off of the dead bodies of Americans. With Mitt Romney already on the record calling for the end of FEMA as an agency, the Hurricane Sandy disaster has become a nightmare for the Romney campaign - and after a poor final debate, may be the hammer that puts the nail in the coffin for Willard.  

"The Last American Closet"

Yesterday, the NOH8 campaign made this Facebook post, with a photo of New York Jets Cornerback Antonio Cromartie, touting a conversation with him and pimping an episode of HBO's Real Sports referring to professional sports as "THE LAST AMERICAN CLOSET." Boy, am I sure glad we have Bryant Gumbel here to declare to all the bullied youth of America, the transgendered and those who do not have the fortune to live in New York, San Francisco, or hell, even Phoenix, Arizona, that it's "Safe to come out now".

I think maybe we might have more success in preventing teen suicides, or cutting back on bullying, if we remember to validate those who live in the cities and towns off the beaten track in our country. I have no need to feel closested in Texas, or anywhere, really - but time moves more slowly out here for some.

Liberation Day

So, I've finally found a desktop computer so that I can do a bit of writing. Quite a bit has happened since I slid completely into hell, which was followed by this post, where I launched a pretty miserable pity party for myself. Shortly thereafter, for some reason, my desire to use just subsided, and as that happened, things began to come together quite a bit for me. Unfortunately, with an unstable living situation (anytime you live with crackheads, it's pretty much an uncontrollable slide towards insanity), I decided my best option was to take the offer of a friend and move east - and that landed me here in Alpine, Texas (population 5,900).

Downtown mural (ZC)

I expected a culture shock, and haven't really gotten it. But what I am grateful for is the feeling of being liberated from an addiction that has swallowed my life whole for upwards of a year. It's an incredible feeling when you make the transition from just "being sober", or not using, to actually getting your life back, and feeling like the person you used to be again. Simply put, doing drugs isn't an option here - because I don't know, or even care to find them.

That isn't to simplify the matter, or say that I will never run into an addiction issue ever again - quite the contrary, once you are an addict you are an addict for life. But for the first time in over 2.5 years, I realized that I can have a good time, and be in a good mood - while being sober. I can't say that something necessarily caused that - like say, going to meetings, or joining AA - it just kind of clicked. Meetings were never the answer for me - nor was AA - I simply don't buy the idea of "powerlessness" or some blind faith in an omnipotent being to cure me of my drug addiction. This had to be done my way, or no way at all - and that way included me moving 800 miles east into the middle of nowhere. But it's what it took, and I am clean now. Hopefully to stay, but it is an incredible feeling to have the burdens of having to go chase money or talk to people to get drugs. It's one of the most incredibly liberating feelings I've ever had, and I'm grateful that I figured things out in enough time to have that feeling.   

The mountains south of town. (ZC)

So, the focus of this blog is probably going to shift a bit back to political and pop culture issues, but there will be plenty of personal reflection still left over. My story is far from finished and I hope that you all will stay with me as I navigate West Texas. Thanks for reading.

Deep in the heart...

Just wanted to let you folks know I made it. Will update soon. Wish you the best.

I'm asking for your help.

Okay, here's the deal, folks. I know this is going to come across as quite a request, but I have to ask. I have a chance to move to Texas, with a job and a stable living situation lined up. I do not have that here. I am short on bus fare. I am asking if anyone can help. The bus is around $140.00 one way after taxes, or a train from Tucson is $75.00 if I am able to get there. I know this is asking an absurd amount, and this is very public, but I am getting a chance to hit the reset button, go a place where I don't know where to get drugs, and start all over again. I need this, desperately, more than anyone could imagine. I can't let this pass me buy, and I am willing to consent to any terms possible to get this done. Thanks for reading this and I hope, maybe, you'll consider my request. I know not many of you know me personally, so thanks for reading and considering my request. You have no idea how much it would mean to me. 

If you're interested, you can contact me via Facebook by clicking here or by emailing  me at zachary.j.cook@gmail.com.

Breakthrough



Hey!

It's weird and probably a lot of unnessesary pressure to put on myself, but I feel good about where I am at as a person and in my recovery. I feel like maybe I have turned the mystical "corner" for drug addiction - I mean, yes, the cravings/etc are all still there and obviously just delightful to deal with - but I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that light is approaching at a speed that is totally unexpected but obviously incredibly awesome.

When you are getting high, even if it doesn't seem like it, the rest of the world goes into kind of a "haze". While things like wanting to get a job, or being in a romantic relationship, or even common things like going out for a drink or going out to dinner are concerns in an abstract sense, in practicality they don't actually matter too much because hey, you want to get high, and that's that. But as I've stayed sober, the old me has finally seen a little bit of the other side - I realized what people were missing when they don't have the money to go out with friends, or to just enjoy life's every day pleasures. The reasons why you want money besides getting high. that in a real sense, there's something more to life. I'm obviously not out of the water just yet,  but I feel like that there's a real opportunity here for me to bring myself out of this. Next step is working on a job, but at least that means there's room for the next step. Thanks for reading and maybe after I finally get things settled, I might be able to start posting about non personal (aka topical) stuff. But given that I still have to live with two crackheads in a one bedroom apartment, stability is a lot to ask. I'll see you guys soon.

let's pause to reflect.

Well, things are beginning to look better, for the first time in weeks. I have some ideas and goals that I have focused on, and some stability. I may write in the next week or so, but at this point I'm letting things sit for a few days. this is like a vacation, so I'll enjoy it a bit. see you on the other side. 

spontaneous combustion

i've been clean for a little over 48 hours now. this isn't necessarily intentional, until I kind of noticed...and so I guess it's intentional now. it's interesting that I couldn't make myself conform to someone else's motivations or reasoning for making me quit for any amount of time, but now things just kind of make sense to me. so why not?

the unfortunate parts of stepping away from a major addiction issue is how hyper emotional you become. I go from tears to joy in a matter of 3 seconds, usually one on top of the other. I can handle that, but I just wish that I still had the friends that I could just go kick it with in the middle of the day, because all I want to do is get stoned, cry, and be held, maybe with some decent food stuck in the middle. I guess nothing's perfect, and that's fine, but I hope that things can stay this way for me because this is the way I want to be.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST QUIT?!!

i'm proud to offer an all - time first for there and back again: totally random PG-13 self-pics of myself to the first 1000 readers of this post. hey, it can't hurt page views.

now for your real post: i've recently put more thought into the concepts of sober people (non drug addicts) buying into the argument that with a whole lot of "want" paired with a few AA meetings will end anyone's addiction issue. the overarching theme of arguments of this nature is more or less summed up like this: "they can just quit if they really want to".

this attitude reinforces the already absurd level of contempt that drug addicts face into today's society: kicked out by friends or family, with no one to call for help because suddenly friends don't want to help so much when it comes down to actually being there for someone.

told to go to a halfway house, that while you are there that you won't be able to enjoy some of your most fun hobbies, ones that are so important because it's the only time drugs don't enter my mind, guaranteed. so give up your only joys, your friends, and your home, and go live with a bunch of other drug addicts and felons. you don't get a chance; because you're now a "addict" or an "ex-con", and any potential mistake is a total disaster, causing absurd overreactions, ultimatums, and just more amounts of absurd stress.

so when you want to ask the drug addict in your life, "why can't you just quit", just remember that you are ripping every single positive thing in someone's life, everything they built, people they loved, away from them. then after that, you ask them to deal with mental anguish and isolation, while living in a group home full of other people just as addicted to drugs. and then they need to quit a chemical dependence cold turkey on top of it?

what if by the time you realized you had to quit, there was nothing to quit for?

The Story So Far

Well, it's been an interesting few weeks. As some of you may know, I had a couple setbacks in my personal and professional life that had more or less pushed the "Reset" button on the progress I had made since being released from incarceration in November. I'm sure some expected the worst, and while things have gone far from roses, I have been holding up well enough, and I'm happy to inform everyone that some progress is being made on the professional front, and the personal front is holding up okay as well.

Initially, it was looking like I may have been moving out of state, and that is still up in the air at this point. A fresh start would be nice, but what would be nicer is the ability to stay here and stay involved in the community that I love. I did lose the job that I love as well as the place that I stayed, but with the kindness of some friends, I am bouncing around, but at least have a mattress to sleep on every night. The one thing that I truly do miss the most is being able to create the graphic art that I truly did love doing, as well as my writing. This is unfortunately the first opportunity that I've had to write. Bouncing around between some admittedly less than ideal places has been rocky at times, but has also taught me that I have the ability to be a survivor, and that even the biggest setbacks won't necessarily doom me for life. There's not much more I can say than that right now - but I am eternally grateful for those that continue to stand by me and give their love and support. Hope to hear from you all soon.

Square One

This is a strictly personal post coming from a difficult time and place for me. I have been struggling, on a daily basis, to somehow tread water and not go under, but any swimmer can tell you that no matter how good of an athlete you are, you can only tread water for so long.

For the last few months I have been riding a constantly shifting field of emotions and feelings inside of my head. One moment laughs, then the next I become sad, almost inconsolable. And as an addict, I began to return to old comforts and ways. By the time I figured out that this was no way to live, wandering around at 4am after being locked out, it was too late. I've forfeited the trust that was shown to me by people I care deeply for - and now I am paying the ultimate prices, in terms of losing the job I love, the home I have, and the work and skills I have worked to build in the time I have been released from prison.

So now I go back to square one - wherever that is. The path forward is not particularly clear, nor comforting - and this may be the last time you hear from me for a while. Just know that from the bottom of my heart, if we have shared a moment, or you made me smile or laugh or even cry, I thank you so much for providing even a fleeting moment of joy in what has been the most emotionally demanding part of my life. Maybe this will pass like nothing and I won't even be gone long enough for anyone to miss. Or it could be forever - but I truly wish and hope that I get to make it back this far again.

Thanks
-Zach

Happy Birthday, Mr. President!

Thank you for your for all that you've done for us the last four years - and what you'll do in the next four! 

I won’t be voting Obama this year.

So much for that whole “voting is a civil right” thing.


I have to admit, that outside of the online world, I’ve been a little hesitant to get involved in the actual ground campaign work that I was in the 2008 cycle. Why? Well, we can surely credit laziness for a bit of that – I am not exactly the definition of a “go-getter” in any traditional sense. But a very large reason for my lack of commitment “IRL” (in real life) , is told in this video:

I miss you.

I miss you so much. 5 years is a long time, but I still think about you every day. I would give every material possession and live in an alley just for the chance to see you one more time.  It’s so unfair, that you won’t be there to meet the one I fall in love with, or be there to hug me, or finally when I do get my act together, be proud of me. I love you Mom…I’m just so tired of losing the ones I love.

I feel like shit emotionally.

There, I said it. I sat here for about 5 and a half minutes trying to think of a crafty title for this “vlog” and I don’t think any of them quite convey how I’m feeling like the words above.

( ALSO: SINCE MOST OF YOU WILL NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO, BE ADVISED THAT THIS VIDEO IS NOT REFERRING TO ANYONE OTHER THAN MYSELF. I STATE IT MULTIPLE TIMES THEREIN BUT PLEASE - NO FACEBOOK DRAMA)

Here’s the video:

What does Zach do all day?

Here's my first "VLOG"...LOL

Romney: Put The White Back in the White House

Failing poll numbers, a disastrous start to a overseas trip, and a tax return scandal have left the Romney campaign with one strategy going forward: overt racism.

“We are part of an Anglo-Saxon heritage, and he feels that the special relationship is special. The White House didn’t fully appreciate the shared history we have.” (Unknown Romney Advisor – 7.24.12)

Abandoning even a dog whistle, Mitt Romney’s campaign has appeared to place their all-in bet in this November’s election on the racist tendencies of white Americans, laying an all-out frontal assault on the President by implying that he simply isn’t “American” enough to run our country – a code word, simply, for the fact that he is too black to run our country. Perhaps if the above quote was the only instance of the racist implications of the Romney campaign, it could be ignored. But, ThinkProgress has helpfully provided a full timeline of Romney statements that seemingly question Obama’s “American-ness”:

11:30 AM — OBAMA HAS TO ‘LEARN HOW TO BE AN AMERICAN’: “The men and women all over America who have worked hard to build these businesses, their businesses, from the ground up is how our economy became the envy of the world. It is the American way. And I wish this president would learn how to be an American. [Co-chair John Sununu, Romney campaign conference call]

1:35 PM — ROMNEY SAYS OBAMA’S POLICIES ARE ‘EXTRAORDINARILY FOREIGN’: “Celebrating success instead of attacking it and denigrating making America strong. That’s the right course for the country. His course is extraordinarily foreign.” [Mitt Romney, Pennsylvania]

The continued swipes over Obama’s multi-cultural upbringing are idiotically racist, the sign of a failing Presidential campaign that is trying to elect a man who has zero principles, has flip-flopped on almost every major issue, and now may very well have committed a federal felony in lying about his time at Bain Capitol. The Romney campaign is now providing only one real messaging talking point: reminding us over and over and over again that this President is black – and that Mitt Romney is the best choice for President because, well, he’s the whitest choice possible.
Where’s the racism coming from? It’s arrived in this fashion because Romney’s continued need to distract from near weekly major disasters in his campaign, most recently from the disastrous beginning to his foreign policy tour, beginning in the UK for the 2012 Summer Olympics:

Cameron soon rebuked Romney. "We are holding an Olympic Games in one of the busiest, most active, bustling cities anywhere in the world. Of course, it's easier if you hold an Olympic Games in the middle of nowhere," he said.
"I think we will show the whole world not just that we come together as a United Kingdom, but also we're extremely good at welcoming people from across the world," Cameron added. "I will obviously make those points to Mitt Romney. I look forward to meeting him."

Made a fool of by the Prime Minister of the country you’re visiting? Check. How about saying our most important ally is “Just a small island that makes stuff that nobody wants? Check:

England [sic] is just a small island. Its roads and houses are small. With few exceptions, it doesn't make things that people in the rest of the world want to buy. And if it hadn't been separated from the continent by water, it almost certainly would have been lost to Hitler's ambitions.

 What else?

Serious dismay in Whitehall at Romney debut. 'Worse than Sarah Palin.' 'Total car crash'. Two of the kinder verdicts #romneyshambles
— James Chapman (Mail) (@jameschappers) July 26, 2012

“Hours later, London Mayor Boris Johnson played on Mr Romney's earlier comments while revving up a crowd of thousands of people in London's Hyde Park.
Calling London "the greatest city on earth," Mr Johnson told the crowd: "I hear there's a guy called Mitt Romney who wants to know whether we're ready. Are we ready?"

This foreign policy nightmare, incensing nearly every important leader in what is our closest ally in the world, was preceded by a Titanic-esque disaster where he refused to release all but two years of federal income tax returns, most likely because he did not pay ANY federal income tax in the year of 2009:

As a member of the ultra-rich, Romney probably wasn’t spared major losses. And it’s possible he suffered a large enough capital loss that, carried forward and coupled with his various offshore tax havens, he wound up paying no U.S. federal taxes at all in 2009. If true, this would be politically deadly for him. Even assuming that his return was thoroughly clean and legal—a safe assumption, it seems to me—the fallout would dwarf the controversy that attended the news that Romney had paid a tax rate of just 14 percent in 2010 and that estimated he’d pay a similar rate in 2011.

That’s right folks – a single mother making $7.25 an hour paid more federal income tax in 2009 than Mitt Romney. It does really put into focus how, indeed, Mitt Romney is “not concerned about the very poor” – ironically, who are made up by a very large block of minorities. With updated polling now showing President Obama pulling away from Romney nationally and on the electoral map, it appears that a return to racism is the only way the GOP thinks they can win this election, and this time they don’t have John McCain to put the veto on it. Mitt Romney is one thing – a panderer. It is blatantly obvious that if he believed that burning a cross on the White House lawn would get him the Presidency, he would do so.

It’s incredible the damage Mitt Romney has done to himself in the last few months. Before April, even I didn’t think Mitt Romney was actually a bad guy – he may have been disconnected from reality, ignorant of the masses, but at least he donated to charity and didn’t actively seem to cheat the system – but the last few months have exposed the true Mitt Romney. A political chameleon who will do anything and everything to gain power and money – who cares so little about the average American that his wife publicly talks about “you people” with disdain in interviews. Now he’s stooping to the level of David Duke, George Wallace, and the 50’s era mentality of white, heterosexist supremacy over all affairs. What a disgusting man – and not a man fit to be President of the most diverse country in the world.   

False Idolatry

America’s sophomoric obsession with gun worship claims more victims; when can we grow up?

The second major American gun massacre in the last two years has occurred in Aurora, Colorado, where a gunman killed 12 and wounded 50 at the midnight premier of The Dark Knight Rises, with a 6 year old among the injured and many under 18 wounded, possibly critically. This comes on the heels of the Jared Loughner incident in Tucson, and is Colorado’s second major gun massacre in the last 20 years, with the other being the Columbine High School massacre. Ironically, a Politico/NRA fluff piece came out just yesterday, with the normal gun nut contingent bleating the typical “that black man is coming to take our guns” bullshit that has become so acceptable in American society:  (from gunbanobama.com)

Barack Obama would be the most anti-gun president in American history. Senator Obama says “words matter.” But when it comes to your Second Amendment rights, he refuses to speak honestly about where he stands. In fact, Obama hides behind carefully chosen words and vague statements of support for sportsmen and gun rights to sidestep and camouflage the truth.
But even he can’t hide from the truth forever … his voting record, political associations, and long standing positions make it clear that, if elected, Barack Obama would be the most anti-gun president in American history.

Indeed, even the President is fearful of attempting to pass even common sense gun control legislation, perhaps something that would have prevented the deaths of more innocent Americans. The spectre of the NRA, who believe that Americans should be able to concealed-carry AK-47s and rocket launchers because it’s “constitutional” (it’s NOT), has successfully scared any politician with half of a brain away from attempting to pass any type of comprehensive gun legislation since the Columbine disaster. Does it take a room full of dead teenagers to force politicians into action in this country?
It’s time for America’s fascination with gun worship to end. An obsession with guns that has no room for safety and common sense is something that should be out of our psyche by the time we turn 16. It’s sophomoric, idiotic, and deadly. Bill Maher sums up my views on the gun society in America perfectly:

“I find the gun laws in this country incomprehensible,” Morgan told Maher, and the latter took a shot at explaining them by explaining the culture. “I look at guns like antibiotics… sometimes you need them, but I don’t kiss my antibiotics, I don’t worship them” the way some worship guns, he explained. “Rick Santorum likes to talk about theology… this is a theology in this country, this is a religion.”
While Maher understood the value of having a Second Amendment, he noted that the context in which that amendment was written could not have anticipated the way guns evolved in the ability to do harm. “The Constitution could not foresee assault weapons,” he noted, adding once again that “no one is saying that we are attempting to create a gun free society, just reasonable limits.”

Please join me in calling on our state and federal legislators to back comprehensive gun control legislation TODAY. A FULL FEDERAL assault weapons ban, ban on the sizes of clips, and real training and control on weapons. No more dead children – no more mothers crying – no more high school shootings. Let’s burn the NRA down and grow up as a country – if we don’t, who knows who will be next?

Post to Feed

The Fierce Urgency of Now

Presidential politics continues it’s onward march towards November, with the Obamacare ruling now in the rear view mirror. The affirmation was another big political win for the President, who has faced down the “Democrats always lose” cliché and come up a winner on a few big issues:

• Immigration reform: Swing states overwhelmingly support the President’s move to halt deportations.
• Same-sex marriage: the President’s endorsement of same sex marriage appears to have pushed public opinion over the hump and into the favorable column – including in the African-American community.
• Health Care Reform: after the Supreme Court’s affirmation of Obamacare, polls have found support on the rise for the legislation across the board, with support now nearing 50%.

The icing on the cake is that coupled with these political wins, the Obama campaign has, without question, has dropped the centrist triangulation that we are used to from Democratic campaigns such as Clinton and Kerry, using issues such as same-sex marriage, income inequality, and fairness as issues to draw a very clear line of distinction between the President and Mitt Romney. It’s pretty clear that President Obama has, for the most part, delivered the goods as promised in 2008 to his progressive base – with many of those legislative wins coming in the face of a Tea Party controlled house. A glance at some big progressive wins during the first four years of Obama’s term:

• Repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
• Passage of first major healthcare legislation in over 40 years
• Equal pay for women (Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act)
• Ending the war in Iraq
• Saving the American auto industry
• Made sexual orientation a protected federal class for hate crimes
• First sitting President to endorse same-sex marriage
• Halting deportations of DREAM-act eligible immigrants

We could go on and on, but I think it’s fair to say that most did not expect even half of this list to happen before the end of the President’s first term.

The constant refrain from the left after another Democratic campaign loss was “Just run to the left – be a REAL Democrat!”. Barack Obama has offered liberals the chance to finally prove that statement right. While the idea that the Obama administration is “liberal” in the grand scheme of things is questionable, in terms of the American scale, Barack Obama is the most liberal President we’ve had in over 30 years, and his recent moves to the left have now left progressives with no excuses – this is the guy, now is the time, and this is the moment. Miles Mogulescu explains the importance of November’s election:

Such a victory for a Republicans -- the most virulently reactionary American political party in historical memory -- would likely result in British/European-style austerity that would plunge a country already experiencing an unnecessarily slow recovery from the deepest recession since the 1930's into a full-blown depression. It would likely lead to tax cuts for the wealthy that would only increase the economic inequality between the top 1% (and top 0.01%) and the 99% that has been widening since the election of Ronald Reagan in 1980. It would likely lead to the unraveling of the economic reforms of the Progressive era, the New Deal, and the Great Society including Medicare and Social Security, which have done so much to turn America into the first largely middle class society in history. It would unravel even the relatively mild regulation of Too Big To Fail Banks of the Obama administration and make another financial crisis more likely. It would restore the neocons to leadership of American foreign policy which could lead to further unnecessary wars. It would lead to the appointment of up to three new Supreme Court Justices in the mold of Scalia/Alito/Thomas who would block progressive reforms for a generation to come.

In addition to the non-political ramifications of a Romney victory, it would also serve as a sign to both parties that liberals were wrong – that if someone campaigned to the left, it would just result in a loss. It would provide validation and a mandate to the neo-conservative right to move our country’s Overton window to the right at an even faster rate – destroying civil rights gains for minorities, LGBT’s, women, and even religious minorities. The America of Rick Santorum and Michele Bachmann could very well become a reality – threatening to halt the liberalization of the next generation of Americans.

So when you think about this November, keep in mind that this could be our last chance to put up a major fight against the continued shifting of our country’s political spectrum to the right – our last opportunity to take back the real America from the far right, Christian fundamentalists who want to rule our country as the American Taliban.

The First “Gay Chief Justice”?

Liberals from coast to coast have started the meme that John Roberts is looking to tear us down via the “long game". But his Obamacare ruling may signal something dramatically different on at least one major issue.

Chief Justice John Roberts is the talk of the town after he was the swing vote in a 5-4 ruling to affirm Obamacare, President Obama’s signature legislation, in a situation where the law being stricken down could have resulted in a November loss for the President. Now it looks like credible reports are stating that Roberts may have flipped his vote halfway through the process out of an interest of the long term legitimacy of the court:

In addition to private jostling within the Supreme Court, it appears that the public spotlight was a factor. The CBS report points to how Roberts pays attention to media coverage. With his court's reputation on the line, one source suggested that the chief justice became "wobbly" in the eyes of his conservative counterparts.


As the court made its historic Affordable Care Act ruling on Thursday, suspicions arose regarding Roberts being scared off by Justice Antonin Scalia. The Daily Beast highlighted one theory from a reader who clerked on an appellate court.

The idea that while a staunch conservative, Roberts is also interested in seeing the long term legitimacy of the court prevail was popular with the left, and for good reason...


A discussion on the legitimacy of the court would have started the moment the law was struck down – especially since the court’s 4 dissenters did not just strike down the individual mandate, as expected, but the entire legislation. Adam Winkler, writing for Huffington Post, examines his motives:

With this deft ruling, Roberts avoided what was certain to be a cascade of criticism of the high court. No Supreme Court has struck down a president's signature piece of legislation in over 75 years. Had Obamacare been voided, it would have inevitably led to charges of aggressive judicial activism. Roberts peered over the abyss and decided he didn't want to go there.
Roberts' decision was consistent with his confirmation hearings pledge to respect the co-equal branches of government, push for consensus, and reach narrow rulings designed to build broad coalitions on the Court. He promised to respect precedent. His jurisprudence, he said, would be marked by "modesty and humility" and protection of the precious institutional legitimacy of the Court.

There’s a fairly decent argument to be made that while Roberts personally may have been in favor of invalidating the mandate, he realized the impact of the of that ruling, and if that led to an Obama loss in November, it’s very possible Democrats would have made it long term mission to eventually weaken or end the institution. So it’s obvious that at least some portion of that line of thinking played into his choice – the idea that a court has a long term legacy and he doesn’t want to be looked at by history as the Chief Justice that led the Supreme Court right off the cliff.


While there’s talk of this being a nessessary choice so he can muster "political capitol” needed for future conservative rulings, the one place where liberals may take heart in this ruling could lie in marriage equality legislation that will certainly be brought before the court starting next term. The future of a Prop 8 challenge making it to the Supreme Court is murky, but we’re almost guarenteed to see the lawsuit against the Defense of Marriage Act make an appearance on the docket for next year, according to SCOTUSBlog:

Placing before the Supreme Court another huge cultural controversy, the House of Representatives’ Republican leaders on Friday afternoon asked the Justices to uphold the constitutionality of the 1996 federal law that limits all federal programs and benefits for marriage to legal unions of a man and a woman.   This could set the stage for the Justices to take up the issue of same-sex marriage in their next Term, opening October 1.   The new petition is here; the case does not yet have a docket number assigned.

The argument for the meteoric rise in public acceptance of LGBT marriage and the effect that the President's endorsement of same sex marriage has been pretty extensively covered, even by this blog. See my article here for more detail, but for the sake of space, we're going to operate under the assumption that public support levels will continue to rise at at least some rate for the foreseeable future, and it is now a mainstream position, supported by polling numbers.  


So, if we can all generally agree that Roberts places some priority on the way history sees his court, does that lead to the possibility that he sees the logic in siding with the liberal wing on marriage equality? He certainly understands the way that history looks at those that stood in the way of interracial marriage, and we've already examined his possible historical motives on his Obamacare ruling. It seems to me that if he is so concerned about the legacy of the “Roberts Court”, this would be a much more obvious place to make a stand than unpopular health care legislation. Does Roberts want his court to be the final one that stood in the way of a major civil rights victory that is all but certain to any but the most blind? Or could he craft the ultimate legacy and join a select group of American justices that can make a true claim to pushing our country forward?


If Roberts is playing the “Long Game”, as some suggest, that may not be the worst thing for Democrats. Roberts does seem to understand that history doesn’t look kindly on politically and religiously fueled extremism, even if it took him a while to realize that his court was starting to become a rubber stamp for those extreme positions. Now it's time to put that theory to the test - will the Roberts Court be the last court that denies LGBT Americans the right to marry those we love?

And Jesus Said, "Let Them Die"?

On the heels of one of the GOP’s biggest political losses in more than a decade, Republicans have responded with a message: we still want to “Let them Die”.

In case you descended into a coma for the last four days, you’ve heard that the Supreme Court, on a 5-4 decision, affirmed Obamacare almost in full, including the individual mandate that may have been key to the success of the legislation in practice. The affirmation was a huge blow to conservatives nationwide, who had begun the end zone dance roughly last week and even began celebrating like fans of a sports team that just won a championship while Chief Justice John Roberts was reading the actual findings of the court, where he affirmed the legislation with the four left-leaning justices on a government taxation power argument. CNN and FOX also managed to blow their loads prematurely, hedging their bets on a dramatic setback for the Obama administration and barely able to contain their glee, and Republicans nationwide set “delete” button speed records and learned a valuable lesson in pre-scheduling Tweets.


The “unexpected” (to put it mildly) setback put the Republican Party on it’s heels. An Amber Alert should have been issued for Mitt Romney, who didn’t make a statement on the legislation for over an hour after the ruling, and the resulting day long social media extravaganza (buzzfeed.com has a decent summary) confirmed that apparently, there was just no plan for this to happen, so messaging wouldn’t be required. But, the dust has settled, and it appears that the far-right Christian warriors of our country are going all-in with the message that Obamacare must be repealed, and replacing it isn’t exactly at the top of the priority list.

WALLACE: I just want to ask, what specifically are you going to do to provide universal coverage to the 30 million people who are uninsured?
MCCONNELL: That is not the issue. The question is, how can you go step by step to improve the American health care system. … We’re not going to turn the American health care system into a Western European system.

While those that paid attention always knew the “replace” half of “repeal and replace” was as sincere as a Kardashian marriage, the fact that Republican leaders are okay with publicly stating they want to rip life saving treatments away from millions of Americans, or give companies the ability to discriminate based on your bad luck in getting colon cancer, is a pretty stunning thing as a messaging strategy. Especially for a party that loves to label themselves as the the political wing of mainstream American Christianity, says PoliticusUSA:

The conservative Christian agenda is rapidly becoming as far-removed from Christ’s teachings as the Sun is from the Earth, and as the country devolves into a hate-fest toward the poor and impoverished, it is little wonder the rest of the world views American Christianity as little more than a bastardization of Ayn Rand ideology. The level of hate and greed that is becoming the hallmark of the religious right is a disease that is being transmitted, ironically, through churches all across America, and it never ceases to amaze humanists how a Christian adherent can clutch a bible to their bosom while working tirelessly to strip assistance from the poor, and worse, condemning them to poor health and an early death because they consider something like affordable health insurance a privilege.

Indeed, the thought that this morning, thousands of church congregations may very well lead their prayers by asking God to repeal Obamacare while at the same time calling themselves followers of someone who spent quite a bit of time healing the sick, is nauseating and so twisted that it’s hard to comprehend for anyone who has a brain cell.  The chairman of the Mississippi Tea Party takes the hypocrisy a step further by calling for a second American civil war and justifying armed rebellion as a “Godly” action:

To resist by all means that are right in the eyes of God is not rebellion or insurrection, it is patriotic resistance to invasion.
May all of us fall on our faces before the Heavenly Judge, repent of our sins, and humbly cry out to Him for mercy on our country. And, may godly courageous leaders rise up in His wisdom and power to lead us in displacing the criminal invaders from their seats and restore our constitutional republic.

Of course, the Republican Party has made the practice of jumping the shark further to the right almost a campaign plank in this cycle, but this time may be the first time where virtually no dissent has been voiced, even by the so-called “moderate” Republican wing. McConnell’s statement of the Republican position moving forward no longer tries to couch the fact that they just don’t give a shit if you die because health insurance is too expensive, or you can’t get insured because of past conditions. Health insurance is a privilege, sort of like a BMW or a mansion, that should only be attainable by those who have proven their self-worth via bank account balances. That’s their version of the American way, and the way they interpret the teachings of Jesus Christ, a man who would fit the description of “Community Organizer” perfectly. America is still the ONLY industrialized country in the world to not provide citizens with universal health care via a public option – apparently, the entire rest of the world missed the mark when declaring access to quality health care a fundamental human right, not a optional payroll deduction when you are lucky enough to have a job.


So now that Obamacare is guaranteed to take effect for the foreseeable future (no matter what GOPers want you to think), the discussion will begin to shift to what Obamacare does for Americans. While the Affordable Care Act generally polls poorly among voters, every one of the major portions of the legislation has popular support – at commanding levels:

61 percent of respondents favored allowing young adults to stay on their parents’ insurance plans until age 26.

72 percent of respondents wish to maintain the requirement that companies with more than 50 workers provide health insurance for their employees.

82 percent of respondents favored banning insurance companies from denying coverage to people with pre-existing conditions

Some Republicans, such as Allen West, may have recognized this and initially tested the waters with forms of legislation that would allow popular provisions to stay in force while acting to damage the President’s credibility via a political loss. But it’s clear with the last two days of Republican talk that nothing but a full repeal is an option. While the ACA may stay unpopular with the Republican base, the second chance that the President and Democrats are now able to take advantage of, and the media has been highlighting already, is the highly popular tenants of the law. With polling support for these issues already high across the board, there is virtually no chance that support for the legislation will go down over the next few months, and there is a very good chance that support will go up due to the renewed focus on tying each part back to the legislation as a whole.


Over the next four months, the President and Democrats across the nation are going to be able to offer a very clear cut choice: are you really interested in voting for a party that wants to re-instate the right for companies to deny people based on pre-existing conditions? Do you really want to take young adults away from their parents health plans at a time when high quality jobs are so hard to find? Do you really want to stand with the Republican Party and say in unison, “LET THEM DIE!”? Because now, you’re not just taking legislative inaction on the issue, you are supporting an active campaign to rip affordable health insurance out of the hands of millions of Americans who have never had the ability to get it before; a cruel and morally abhorrent action that could only be justified by the moral compass of a playground bully.


My bet’s is that most Americans aren’t interested in this “Atlas Shrugged” inspired indifference to their fellow citizens, and this Obamacare decision will be a long term win for Democrats as well as a long term win for Americans everywhere. But if we do choose the wrong road and hand the keys to Romney and crew in 2012, how do we deserve anything else as a country? The choice is clear, high-profile, and provides no grey areas – this election has become more important than ever. Do we still believe in helping each other, or are we really the nation that is so concerned about a couple percentage points on a tax return that we’d rather just let those in poverty die painfully?

Out and About

“not-out” phobia in today’s gay community

I had somewhat of an epiphany tonight, ironically, while I was browsing Adam4Adam (this is a gay dating/hookup site – yes, there is dating if that is what you are looking for) . I got a message from a guy – seemed nice enough, we chatted a bit, he’s cute, on and on. It eventually comes out that he isn’t out of the closet. He’s 23 years old, almost done with college. It seemed so foreign to me – and I remembered my typical (and rather callous) line “Well, I don’t date guys who aren’t out – I had my identity crisis, I don’t need someone else’s”.



I came out of the closet at 16 years old, then I took that shit and ran with it. Before I came out of the closet, I was pretty much your stereotypical picked-on kid – socially awkward, short tempered, fat (200 lbs at 13), and friendless. After I came out of the closet, my life did an almost complete 180 – I lost 50 pounds, had all kinds of friends, and juggled about 3 different guys off and on for my entire junior year.  It was, by far, the best thing that happened in my entire life – even if the rest of my life is a total disaster.

A word about Joe Arpaio

I have been a little light on the posting lately, but here’s a couple videos from June 12th’s protest at Fourth Avenue Jail over the death of MCSO inmate Raymond Farinas. More to come shortly – should be regarding immigration.

My take on the culture that Sheriff Joe has created in the MCSO jail system.

And then…

Arpaio’s theory is that inmate Raymond Farinas died from choking on peanut butter–really?

Thanks for watching. Filming is via Santiago James Chavez (link is to his YouTube channel), who has my eternal thanks for putting these up. 

Another Inmate Death in Maricopa County

Joe arpaio has blood on his hands; when will enough be enough?

Raymond Manuel Farinas, 40, died after posting bail on June 11th.

Another day, another death in the Maricopa County jail system. Following the recent murder (let’s call it what it is) of inmate Marty Atencio , Raymond Farinas, an inmate at the 4th Avenue Jail has died in custody, and the MCSO is saying that he choked on peanut butter:

Ramirez said she was told that her son choked on a peanut butter sandwich, but she said he never would have eaten peanut butter. "My son never ate peanut butter, he was allergic."
Ramirez claims when she was allowed to see her son's body, it was covered in bruises. "He was all bruised like they had taken him and beaten him with something. He had a cut on his forehead."

Pretty shitty attempt at a cover up from Sheriff Joe and crew. And since we’ve already established that they’ve told a lie about the nature of Farinas’s death, the only question that remains is if he died at the hands of a Detention Officer, or if his death was the result of negligence on the part of corrections staff. The culture of dehumanization and degradation that I documented in my previous post is the direct contributor to the pattern of inmate abuse, mistreatment and death in the Maricopa County jail system. This man did not deserve to die – and this mother did not deserve to lose her son. Only in an unjust society could someone’s life be so devalued. I’m not really sure what to say outside of that, other than I that on a personal note, I keep thinking that this could have been me. This isn’t right. Joe Arpaio’s continued human rights violations will be a decades long shame upon the face of this state and Maricopa County.

A Day in the Durango Hilton

My time in Maricopa county’s Durango jail

One of the silver linings that I attempted to make out of my prison sentence was that, in many ways, I was about to embark on my own “inside” documentary – given that I was politically active and fairly well read, I figured I might as well attempt to stay positive and use my time to focus on what incarceration is really like. And, lucky me, I would get to spend part of my time in the custody of the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office – where prisoner mistreatment has been a red hot issue for much of the last 10-15 years.


(if you would like a summary of my entire situation and what led me to my jail trip, check out this post right here.) \

The entrance to the MCSO’s Durango Jail, located in South Phoenix

After I was arrested and released, a plea offer was negotiated over a three month period. I would plead guilty and receive somewhere between 4-12 months in prison (I got 9), and the day (August 25th, 2011)I came that I had to plead guilty. Once you change your plea to guilty, you are immediately remanded to custody pending a sentencing hearing a month later. Since I hadn’t received a prison sentence yet, I was placed in the custody of the MCSO pending my sentencing, and for that month, I was incarcerated at Durango Jail, an all-male, minimum/medium security jail, holding mostly non-violent, first time offenders who had never served any prison time. 

While Tent City, Sheriff Joe’s favorite prop for the media/conservatives, gets the vast majority of the press regarding his jail operation, a large chunk of complaints regarding inhumane treatment originate from the county’s brick and mortar jails, including the recent controversy regarding the death of inmate Marty Atencio during booking, or off and on hunger strikes protesting the quality of food provided at the jails. In addition, nearly 90% of male inmates in a non-Tent City jail are considered legally innocent and are awaiting trial.

Here’s a quick summary on the logistics/setup of Durango Jail:

The Durango Jail was built in 1976 as a minimum security jail. The
Durango Jail houses approximately 2214 inmates in seven housing
units and two barracks buildings. Each housing unit contains four
“pods,” and each pod contains a general-purpose day room area with
metal tables and stools, and a bathroom area with sinks, toilets and
showers. There are two large outside areas for recreation.

What was it like? Does it live up to the “human rights violations/Amnesty International”  hype that we hear so often on the television? Yes and no, and that answer can depend on who you are and how you behave while you’re in custody. On a personal level, I had no issues with other inmates or staff, a little bit of money, and was quiet – and the stay was “tolerable”, in so far as I made it tolerable, because I had no other options. But, on the whole, Durango Jail is a pit of boredom and dehumanization, designed specifically to slowly suck the soul out of you day by day. They may not beat you physically, but staff are designed to treat detainees as a lower class of being, often calling names, screaming off the cuff, and sending the message that you are no longer equal to other human beings – in fact, one of the postcards available for indigent inmates to send mail on declares that inmates aren’t even as good as dogs: (sorry for the quality on this, best I could find)

The MCSO’s winning strategy on reducing recidivism: telling offenders they are worse than animals.

Throughout the whole experience, this is perhaps what bothered me the most. The attitude of jail staff as a whole enforces an inmate’s assumption that criminals can never be reformed and that somehow, their offense put them in a sub-human class that will never be able to recover from their mistakes – which creates a self-fulfilling prophecy that sends them right back to jail or prison.

A card that the Sheriff’s Department likes to play when encountering that argument is that there are “plenty” of 12 step meetings, GED/HS Diploma classes, and religious services available to assist inmates in enriching their lives upon release. These things are offered – to typically less than 5 total inmates throughout the day in each “pod”, meaning that these classes and services don’t have space for roughly 80% of the general population in custody at the jail. The excuse is that larger numbers of attendees may result in a security threat, but given the non-violent, low-risk type of inmate typically incarcerated there, this makes no sense. Even in the Arizona Department of Corrections – the state prison system – self help and educational classes are not LIMITED by inmate participation numbers, with hundreds of inmates on each prison yard alone attending classes or meetings on a daily basis.

So what does that leave inmates with on a daily basis? Well, let’s start with the cells. At Durango, in each pod, there are roughly 20 cells, with each cell holding 4 people, double bunked. The cells are roughly the size of a high school storage closet (this isn’t a joke), but do not have doors. Inmates are bunked together without regard to race, as the race issue doesn’t really come into play until you reach prison. Each cell looks out into the central dayroom, with two long, steel picnic style tables, a TV high on the wall, and a large, communal bathroom, with shower curtains but no stalls. Dayroom access is typically allowed all day, from 6:00am until 10:00pm, unless the pod or jail is locked down. The dayroom has three “charge-a-call” collect phones for inmates to call on, and the TV is typically on ESPN or ESPN2. Meals are served at roughly 7am and then not again until about 5:30pm, with breakfast always being a large bread roll and old peanut butter. Dinner is typically indecipherable, and, at first, inedible, but you get used to it after a few days, out of necessity. I was never fed anything rotten, and was gross overall, but you learn how to make it work in the long run.

In terms of the inmates – most are normal people who screwed up. Durango’s general population also includes people charged on misdemeanors as well as felonies, but any violent felonies are housed at other jails. There were fights, and drama on a daily basis (amazing how dramatic straight men are when they get bored), but as long as you didn’t go looking for trouble, it never found you. In many ways, this is the easiest place to get along with so many inmates and offenders: often, in jail or prison, they are stone cold sober and have a clear head/thought process. I’ve witnessed first hand seemingly sane, logical people turn into banshees when they get high, and that’s the problem for many drug addicts who keep going in and out of our criminal justice system.

Long story short – the reason why I made it through my time at Durango is because I knew that the detention staff would always win. Because I was healthy, mentally stable, and out of trouble, I didn’t have any reason to ever speak with staff – removing myself as a potential target. The trouble is, many inmates with medical/mental issues don’t have that luxury, and generally, those are the inmates who have their rights violated, and those are the inmates that we need to fight to protect.  My experience with the MCSO was horrible, but I expected horrible and that made it tolerable. The idea – however – that Joe’s “tough jails” in any way prevent people from going out and committing more crime is laughable.