Pretty melancholy post title, eh? Well, I am feeling pretty fucking melancholy. Finding a job out here has been almost next to impossible - and that means I've started bouncing around a bit, rendering the whole "stability" reasoning for me moving here pretty much moot. The only difference between here and Phoenix right now, I guess, is that I am not getting high, which is fabulous (it will be 30 days within the week), but I guess the frustration that I'm having arises out of the fact that I am doing what I am supposed to do (finally, for the first time in a year), and I haven't seen any change in the direction my life is progressing.
I'm not sure exactly how to feel right now - there is a lot of temptation to go back to Phoenix, and I have to admit that it's an option I'm strongly considering. If anything, knowing that I am staying sober now gives me strength to believe that I will not have too many problems in Phoenix...but that may not be true. I know with a job and my own place I will be happier, but things are moving at such a glacial pace out here that I am not really sure how long that will take.
So I come to another fork in the road. I have to wait until I get a new ID sent from Phoenix to travel anywhere, anyway, so I have about a week to make a choice. I don't think that coming out here to Alpine was a bad choice either way, because I feel like maybe I've gotten the inner strength and definitely have figured out the person I am because I've had the clear head to do that. But now I have a clear head, sobriety, and nothing for those two positive things to effect. So maybe it is time to go back home, maybe I just needed to step away from the trees to see the whole forest. But there's a bit part of me, deep inside, that wants to make this work so much, because I'm tired of things not working. I just hope that if it's going to work, it does it soon.
Comments are welcome...
