So, I've finally found a desktop computer so that I can do a bit of writing. Quite a bit has happened since I slid completely into hell, which was
followed by this post, where I launched a pretty miserable pity party for myself. Shortly thereafter, for some reason, my desire to use just subsided, and as that happened, things began to come together quite a bit for me. Unfortunately, with an unstable living situation (anytime you live with crackheads, it's pretty much an uncontrollable slide towards insanity), I decided my best option was to take the offer of a friend and move east - and that landed me here in
Alpine, Texas (population 5,900).
 |
| Downtown mural (ZC) |
I expected a culture shock, and haven't really gotten it. But what I am grateful for is the feeling of being liberated from an addiction that has swallowed my life whole for upwards of a year. It's an incredible feeling when you make the transition from just "being sober", or not using, to actually getting your life back, and feeling like the person you used to be again. Simply put, doing drugs isn't an option here - because I don't know, or even care to find them.
That isn't to simplify the matter, or say that I will never run into an addiction issue ever again - quite the contrary, once you are an addict you are an addict for life. But for the first time in over 2.5 years, I realized that I can have a good time, and be in a good mood - while being sober. I can't say that something necessarily caused that - like say, going to meetings, or joining AA - it just kind of clicked. Meetings were never the answer for me - nor was AA - I simply don't buy the idea of "powerlessness" or some blind faith in an omnipotent being to cure me of my drug addiction. This had to be done my way, or no way at all - and that way included me moving 800 miles east into the middle of nowhere. But it's what it took, and I am clean now. Hopefully to stay, but it is an incredible feeling to have the burdens of having to go chase money or talk to people to get drugs. It's one of the most incredibly liberating feelings I've ever had, and I'm grateful that I figured things out in enough time to have that feeling.
 |
| The mountains south of town. (ZC) |
|
|
|
|
So, the focus of this blog is probably going to shift a bit back to political and pop culture issues, but there will be plenty of personal reflection still left over. My story is far from finished and I hope that you all will stay with me as I navigate West Texas. Thanks for reading.
