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| Strange place for a big red ball on top of a pole. |
That is where I live. Alpine is in the middle of nowhere - quite literally there is not one full stop light in this town, and the nearest town to us (Fort Davis) is roughly 30 miles up the road. The city is the county seat of Brewster County, Texas (pop 9000), named after a Confederate States of America War General, or something very stereotypical like that.
The culture is different - it's not all that bad and is actually very pretty country. The air quality improvement is noticeable, it's set back in some low hills that run up to mountains, but still maintains the "Texas feel" - you know, Wild West hotels and shootouts in the town center, or something.
I can write about the facts of Alpine all day long, but what I've repeatedly struggled with since I've gotten here is my ability to string together a narrative to explain how best I feel here. Because I'm not really sure at all myself. The people here are terribly nice - but the whole cowboy group can get a little shaky sometime. I feel myself pulling back into a situation where I want to be a loner all the time - never happy, never terribly depressed, but working a job, and being in like a stoned melancholy state.
There are times that I miss Phoenix badly, especially when things are a bit boring around these parts, but what I don't miss about Phoenix is the chaos. The running around, the stress, the temptation, or even the danger - none of that I miss. There's a comfort in being able to ride a bike around town at 2am and not have to worry about a soul being on the road for miles either way. It's very quiet here - and it makes it easier to think things through correctly the first time.
What I like about Alpine has to do with the Latin concept of Tabula Rasa , or "blank slate". The idea's concept is driven by the idea that humans are not pre-programmed to do anything, and thus are given a "blank slate" on birth to begin to develop their characteristics. Moving to the LITERAL middle of nowhere in a town where no one even knows who you are effectively pushes the "Reset" button on life. I've found myself, and am so sure of myself in a way that I have never been before. But what I continue to struggle with is how to conceptualize my feelings in a way that I can explain to my readers, because I do feel like I'm having some type of special experience. Sometimes I want to leave, but every time I go outside and breathe the air and see the sky under the stars, my mind changes pretty quickly. But it's a nauseating experience to go back and forth. I just hope that things continue to move forward. And I will keep ya'all posted when they do.
