Drawing the Line on Same-Sex Marriage

the time has come: friends and family, you’re either with us or against us

Yet another new poll out today showing national support for same-sex marriage at an all time high: (from CNN/ORC)

Indeedy, it is getting better. A CNN/ORC poll released yesterday revealed that 54% of Americans believe same-sex marriage should be made legal. 42% still oppose the idea, but with the support at the highest levels since 2008, the news is a ray of sunshine warming our smiling faces through the storm clouds. (Forgive the cheese.) 73% of people polled aged 18-34 gave their support.

Same sex marriage at a +12 favorability nationally is pretty stunning to see, but it seems like that’s pretty close to the actual number, with this May 23rd Washington Post/ABC Poll showing support at 53-39 (+14). The most stunning number is that 3 out of every 4 people under the age of 35 back same-sex marriage, putting that issue on the same level as interracial marriage in a very real sense (roughly 25% of Americans are publicly against interracial marriage). More interesting stat lines from the polling:

Less than a quarter, 23 percent, of Republicans supported marriage equality, compared with 70 percent of Democrats.
60 percent of people said they had a family member or close friend who was gay, compared with 45 percent in 2007.

The most dramatic take from this data is how far out of the social mainstream the Republican Party has come. With only 23% in support, that means that the polling must have found roughly 60-65% overall support for same sex marriage between Democrats and independents. President Obama’s historic endorsement of same sex marriage seems to be the catalyst at pushing same sex marriage support into the driver’s seat on a permanent basis, even in the African-American community, where same sex marriage struggled to gain a foothold previously.
But what does that mean for us? The main point to be drawn from all of the above is that now, more than ever, the war for public opinion is over. The 65+, super conservative voting bloc is pretty much cancelled out because the rest of the country is with us. And the fact is, the time for fence sitting is over.


I’m sure many LGBTQ individuals can relate to having that one friend or family member that just can’t bring themselves to support same sex marriage, but boy, are they sure nice to you! Hey, they think you should be able to see your “partner” at the hospital, but “marriage is marriage”! Maybe it’s because of their religion, or they just are a “traditionalist”.

Well, here’s the thing: When roughly 7/10 non-crazy people agree that not allowing same-sex marriages is a violation of civil and human rights because it denies equality, your support for denying equal rights to gay and lesbian Americans is no longer acceptable because the rest of us have evolved enough to realize that it is a bigoted, discriminative and morally abhorrent position that, very shortly, will be as socially acceptable as a KKK cross-burning. Get with the program. The simple fact is, on a personal level, how you can look me in the face and profess your “love” or “care” for me while simultaneously supporting the government’s ability to legally discriminate against me for something I can’t control is SICK. It’s wrong, and it’s fucked up.


And I am sorry if you just “can’t do it”. Maybe it’s the Bible, or whatever backwards, outdated, and usually outrageous excuse that you use to justify your innate homophobia, but here’s the deal: we’re done. To those in my life that don’t support my fundamental right to marry whomever I choose, then fuck off. This might seem callous, but why do I want to remain on speaking terms with someone who believes that I should be discriminated against in the eyes of the law? I am not friends with any white supremacists, or neo-Nazis. I am sure as hell not going to be associating with anyone who’s a bigot and homophobe, and yes, when you’re a homophobe, and believe in discrimination, that absolutely makes you a bigot. You are NO BETTER than a racist or a sexist. History will judge you that way, and I have no interest in associating with someone who will be known as a member of the last generation that opposed same-sex marriage in America.

Morally Bankrupt

in the 1960’s, the church led on civil rights. fifty years later, an American Taliban is the final roadblock to marriage equality

In the wake of President Barack Obama’s endorsement of equal marriage rights for same sex couples, communities traditionally opposed to LGBT equality have responded in a variety of ways. The African-American community (seems) to be rapidly evolving on the issue, and while no one expected conservative Christianity’s response to be positive, the line coming from fundamentalist Christians is disturbing, ugly, and very likely to incite violence. From Maryland pastor Dennis Leatherman:

Kill them all. Right? I will be very honest with you. My flesh kind of likes that idea...

Kansas pastor Curtis Knapp:

"They should be put to death -- that's what happened in Israel," Knapp proclaims. "That's why homosexuality wouldn't have grown in Israel."

And the chart topper from North Carolina’s Charles Worley:

"Do the same thing for the queers and the homosexuals and have that fence electrified so they can't get out...and you know what, in a few years, they'll die out...do you know why? They can't reproduce!"

It’s easy to dismiss extreme language like this as “exceptions to the rule”, mainly because to many of us, this type of language seems so incredibly foreign that it’s hard to believe there is someone out there who literally wants to see LGBTQ Americans herded into concentration camps and being left to die.

The church’s leadership in the African-American civil rights movement of the 50’s and 60’s has been well documented, all the way up to Rev. Martin Luther King. While it’s easy to disregard extremist language from Christian theocrats as the “exception to the rule”, at what point do we draw the line between “exception” and “rule”? Is it when the cheering of the death and damnation of LGBTQ Americans switches from pulpit to congregation?

The congregation in the church, which has been identified as the Apostolic Truth Tabernacle Church in Greensburg, Ind., gives a standing ovation after the child sings, "I know the Bible’s right, somebody’s wrong...ain't no homos gonna make it to heaven."

The obsession, venom, and hate coming from the “American Taliban” (aka fundamentalist Christianity) towards the LGBTQ people of America is so dramatically un-Christlike that it would be a challenge to find anything “Christian” about the far right voices that seem to be drowning out those who preach a message of tolerance, indeed, not just “A” message of tolerance, but the message of tolerance that Jesus himself preached in the Bible.


Look, there is a line between being against marriage equality and promoting or quietly assenting to such disgusting rhetoric (and violence) against LGBT Americans. If you truly believe, in your heart, that your Christianity prevents you from supporting full civil marriage rights for all Americans, then while you may be extremely wrong, you at least have a consistent, non-violent, non-incideniary leg to stand on. I challenge those that I grew up with in the church, and Christians who believe in the message of tolerance, redemption, and love, to stand up and shout down the bigotry of a few that seems to have engulfed mainstream Christianity in the wake of the marriage equality controversy. Just remember: How will your grandchildren judge you in 40 years?

Who's the real bully?

This week wrapped up the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington -- the annual event is the GOP and far-right equivalent of a massive circle jerk, where speakers such as Sarah Palin, Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, etc, go on stage and attempt to be as theocratic/conservative as possible in order to win a worthless straw poll that is representative of the farthest of the far right fringe in the US.

Anyway -- other things happen here as well. Symposiums, awards, vendors set up booths, the list could go on and on. The end result is that there's a fairly large mix of conservatives descending on Washington for the week. With the news on the 9th Circuit Court's overturning of Prop 8 fresh, some GLBT and liberal media sources and bloggers have decided to check out the rather large amount of Craigslist "m4m" (male for male) personal ads from admitted CPAC attendees.

Queerty -- Cruising CPAC

But as HyperVocal points out, the conservative cabal is also a hotbed of homo cruising (presumably of the closeted kind). Slade Sohmer trolled recent Craigslist postings in the DC area and came up with quite a few CPAC-related M4M ads.

The irony, of course, is the less than friendly platform the Republican Party has taken towards GLBT equality, especially at a convention where moderate positions on much of anything are not tolerated at all. The qualifier from the Queerty article was what I wanted to hit on:

 And we’re genuinely rooting for this lot, hoping all these guys score—it doesn’t matter what side of the aisle you sit on, or what you sit on, everyone’s entitled to some lovin’ they prefer.”

Of course they are -- but if it "doesn't matter what side of the aisle you sit on" then why are we even posting childish taunts about CPAC attendees on Craigslist anyway? The fact is that many young conservatives -- even conservatives that might be considered "fringe" in most other ways -- have come around to supporting marriage equality and some other GLBT rights. Even on the far right, trends have continued to show that support for GLBT equality is not driven by the "Right V. Left" mind frame but is actually driven by a generation gap, with younger Americans generally friendly towards equal rights. 


As a movement that is beginning to come into it's own at a fairly rapid pace, I think it's incredibly important that we behave in a mature manner. The post that I mentioned read like a nasty high school gossip letter, and  if I were a closeted, gay Republican male who was considering offering my support, or even coming out of the closet, I would feel distinctly less comfortable after seeing things like this. 


While there are a litany of other issues that pro-equality conservatives are dead wrong on, the movement for equality is not so inevitable that we can afford to pick and choose whom we are taking on as supporters. Belittling, childish behavior will never help gay Americans get the equality that is rightfully ours. While the humor of things like the Larry Craig incident is never going to be lost on me, at some point, I think we have to grow above it.