"The Last American Closet"

Yesterday, the NOH8 campaign made this Facebook post, with a photo of New York Jets Cornerback Antonio Cromartie, touting a conversation with him and pimping an episode of HBO's Real Sports referring to professional sports as "THE LAST AMERICAN CLOSET." Boy, am I sure glad we have Bryant Gumbel here to declare to all the bullied youth of America, the transgendered and those who do not have the fortune to live in New York, San Francisco, or hell, even Phoenix, Arizona, that it's "Safe to come out now".

I think maybe we might have more success in preventing teen suicides, or cutting back on bullying, if we remember to validate those who live in the cities and towns off the beaten track in our country. I have no need to feel closested in Texas, or anywhere, really - but time moves more slowly out here for some.

Liberation Day

So, I've finally found a desktop computer so that I can do a bit of writing. Quite a bit has happened since I slid completely into hell, which was followed by this post, where I launched a pretty miserable pity party for myself. Shortly thereafter, for some reason, my desire to use just subsided, and as that happened, things began to come together quite a bit for me. Unfortunately, with an unstable living situation (anytime you live with crackheads, it's pretty much an uncontrollable slide towards insanity), I decided my best option was to take the offer of a friend and move east - and that landed me here in Alpine, Texas (population 5,900).

Downtown mural (ZC)

I expected a culture shock, and haven't really gotten it. But what I am grateful for is the feeling of being liberated from an addiction that has swallowed my life whole for upwards of a year. It's an incredible feeling when you make the transition from just "being sober", or not using, to actually getting your life back, and feeling like the person you used to be again. Simply put, doing drugs isn't an option here - because I don't know, or even care to find them.

That isn't to simplify the matter, or say that I will never run into an addiction issue ever again - quite the contrary, once you are an addict you are an addict for life. But for the first time in over 2.5 years, I realized that I can have a good time, and be in a good mood - while being sober. I can't say that something necessarily caused that - like say, going to meetings, or joining AA - it just kind of clicked. Meetings were never the answer for me - nor was AA - I simply don't buy the idea of "powerlessness" or some blind faith in an omnipotent being to cure me of my drug addiction. This had to be done my way, or no way at all - and that way included me moving 800 miles east into the middle of nowhere. But it's what it took, and I am clean now. Hopefully to stay, but it is an incredible feeling to have the burdens of having to go chase money or talk to people to get drugs. It's one of the most incredibly liberating feelings I've ever had, and I'm grateful that I figured things out in enough time to have that feeling.   

The mountains south of town. (ZC)

So, the focus of this blog is probably going to shift a bit back to political and pop culture issues, but there will be plenty of personal reflection still left over. My story is far from finished and I hope that you all will stay with me as I navigate West Texas. Thanks for reading.

Deep in the heart...

Just wanted to let you folks know I made it. Will update soon. Wish you the best.

I'm asking for your help.

Okay, here's the deal, folks. I know this is going to come across as quite a request, but I have to ask. I have a chance to move to Texas, with a job and a stable living situation lined up. I do not have that here. I am short on bus fare. I am asking if anyone can help. The bus is around $140.00 one way after taxes, or a train from Tucson is $75.00 if I am able to get there. I know this is asking an absurd amount, and this is very public, but I am getting a chance to hit the reset button, go a place where I don't know where to get drugs, and start all over again. I need this, desperately, more than anyone could imagine. I can't let this pass me buy, and I am willing to consent to any terms possible to get this done. Thanks for reading this and I hope, maybe, you'll consider my request. I know not many of you know me personally, so thanks for reading and considering my request. You have no idea how much it would mean to me. 

If you're interested, you can contact me via Facebook by clicking here or by emailing  me at zachary.j.cook@gmail.com.

Breakthrough



Hey!

It's weird and probably a lot of unnessesary pressure to put on myself, but I feel good about where I am at as a person and in my recovery. I feel like maybe I have turned the mystical "corner" for drug addiction - I mean, yes, the cravings/etc are all still there and obviously just delightful to deal with - but I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that light is approaching at a speed that is totally unexpected but obviously incredibly awesome.

When you are getting high, even if it doesn't seem like it, the rest of the world goes into kind of a "haze". While things like wanting to get a job, or being in a romantic relationship, or even common things like going out for a drink or going out to dinner are concerns in an abstract sense, in practicality they don't actually matter too much because hey, you want to get high, and that's that. But as I've stayed sober, the old me has finally seen a little bit of the other side - I realized what people were missing when they don't have the money to go out with friends, or to just enjoy life's every day pleasures. The reasons why you want money besides getting high. that in a real sense, there's something more to life. I'm obviously not out of the water just yet,  but I feel like that there's a real opportunity here for me to bring myself out of this. Next step is working on a job, but at least that means there's room for the next step. Thanks for reading and maybe after I finally get things settled, I might be able to start posting about non personal (aka topical) stuff. But given that I still have to live with two crackheads in a one bedroom apartment, stability is a lot to ask. I'll see you guys soon.